Funny Emails And Funny Cell Phone Forwards and a bit of Self Improvement Tips For Smart Teenagers

Note: Conversation ke beech, within brackets jo hai, woh.. ladka apne aap se
keh raha hai

She Gives a missed call to him….and he calls her back..

She: Hello!

He: (are yaar…pata nahi aaj kya bore karegi ) Hi …kya baat hai..?

She: kuch nahi…bas aise hi phone kiya…

He: ( Call kaha kiya?.. khali missed call to diya hai… ) oh…ok ..kya kar
rahi thi meri jaanu??

She: abhi abhi dinner khatam kiya…tum kya kar rahe the?

He: mera bhi abhi abhi dinner khatam hua.. ab….”Ladki Kyon Najaane Kyon”
sun raha hu FM par….

She: nice song..

(And then she hums a line from the song “Hum Tum”)

He: ( Saala waha koi chipkali ‘kich kich’ kar rahi hai ya …. ) hey!!!! tum
itni achchi gaati ho? mujhe pata hi nahi tha

She: *giggles*

He: Hey ek aur baar gaao na pls!

She: yaha sab so rahe hai…agar main gaaongi to sab uth jaaenge..

He: ( Correct…woh yeh samjhenge ki koi bhootni hai  … ) Come on! Please!

She: hat …I don’t sing that well

He: (  yeh to saari duniya ko pata hai… ) It was really sweet. Please
gaao na dear

She: mujhe kuch ajeeb sa lagta hai jaan

He: aisa kuch bhi nahi hai jaanu…gaao na
She: tumhi keh sakte ho…

He: ( mai? saala mere ko doosra raasta nahi hai….is liye bola ) abhi tum
gaaogi ya nahi?

She: kyun pareshaan kar rahe ho?
He: Sigh! Ok

She: I don’t have that great a voice

He: ( saala gadha bhi sharma jaaye teri awaaz sunke.. ) hmmmm

She: theek hai… jab itni zid kar rahe ho… sirf ek stanza gaaungi theek
hai??

He: ( aur kya kya jhelna padega malum nahi.. ) Great!!!!

She: kaunsa gaana gaau ?

He: ( tum kuch bhi gaao…meri to aaj neend haraam hai.. )Hmmmm. ‘Mahiya’
from Awarapan?

She: Nice song. But mujhe lyrics yaad nahi hai

He: ( Text book chodke tujhe aur kya pata hai bol… ) Dhoom Machale?

She: Nahi main wohi gaana gaaungi
He: ( Tum koi bhi gaana gaao….mere kaan to pakne waale hai ) Cool

(She clears her throat, hums a line and then)

She: Nahi jaan. I am feeling very shy!

He: Gaao na…pls gaao na….teri awaaz ki samundar me main doob jaana
chahta hoon

She: dekho…ab tum mujhe naaraaz kar rahe ho

He: ( Maalum pada na  … phir..: ) )No no. Tum shy feel kar rahi ho
na….is liye… Trying to make u cool

She: Hmmm

He: please gaao na darling

She: main kal gaau?

He: ( Haaaaa…jaan bachi… Phut leta hoon… ) theek hai jaisi tumhaari
merzi

She: Hmmm

He: Good night

She: Good night

She: Sweet Dreams.. Take care…

He: Sweets dreams to u too…

After a while She calls Him (sorry…that never happens, she gives only a
missed call),,,,

She: Hey..sogaye the kya?

He: ( nahi…current ka aavishkaar kar raha tha… ) nahi jaan.

She: kya kar rahe ho?

He: ( raat ko kya gili danda khelna hai… ) Match dekh raha tha
She: theek hai tum match dekho

He: ( us wakt se main kya bhajiya tal raha tha… ) Hey it’s ok… purani
match hai.

She: Did u feel bad I didn’t sing?

(Since it is a tricky question, He thinks for a while)

He: (Bad ah? this was the luckiest day in my life, since you didn’t sing
:- ) Bad toh main nahi keh raha jaanu. But I want you to be comfortable
first…. tumhi ne bola ki main kal gaaungi….. So, me waiting..
(maine to socha tha ki aaj bachgaya….dhat teriki :-()

She sings 1 stanza from the song

‘Jiski aankhon me meri hi nami…..’

He: Wow. Too good!

She: jhoot….mujhe maloom hai ki meri awaaz itni achchi nahi hai

He: ( shukr hai self realization hai… :-)… ) nahi darling you really
sing well.

She: nahi..mujhe maloom hai tum bas aise hi keh rahe ho

He: ( very good.. aakhir tumne pata laga hi liya….. ) Che! Che! teri voice
agar itni buri hoti to main ab tak na sun raha hota

She: Hmmmm…theek hai. good night.. ab tum bhi so jaao..

He: ( tera gaana sunne ke baad neend kaise aayegi.. ) Good night!

She: Take care

He: You too

She: Hey….

He: ( are yaar..aaj ye nahi chodegi ,,, ) kya hai sweety? .

She: sach bataao honey..meri voice achchi hai ya nahi…
He: ( tu apni voice khud record karke sun kyon nahi leti ek baar )
sachchi… Of course.

She: sirf jhoot

He: ( iski toh… agar ab mujhe sone nahi diya toh…… ) Not at all. You
sing very well

She: Hmmm…. tum keh rahe ho to theek hi hoga. Good night.
He: Good Night!!

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the
background checks, interviews and testing were done, there
were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test,
the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door
and handed him a gun. ‘We must know that you will
follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair
. . . Kill her!!’ The man said, ‘You can’t be
serious. I could never shoot my wife.’ The agent said,
‘Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take
your wife and go home.’

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the
gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5
minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, ‘I
tried, but I can’t kill my wife.’ The agent said,
‘You don’t ha ve what it takes. Take your wife home.

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the
same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun
and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after
another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the
walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened
slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her
brow. ‘This gun is loaded with blanks’ she said.
‘I had to beat him to death with the chair.’

MORAL: Women are crazy. Don’t mess with them

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital
room. One man was
allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to
help drain the
fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room’s
only window. The other
man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men
talked for hours on
end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes,
their jobs, their
involvement in the military service, where they had been on
vacation.

Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window
could sit up, he
would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the
things he could
see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour
periods where his
world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity
and color of the
world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and
swans played on
the water while children sailed their model boats. Young
lovers walked arm
in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the
city skyline
could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite
detail, the man on
the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine
the picturesque
scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade
passing by.

Although the other man couldn’t hear the band - he
could see it. In his
mind’s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it
with descriptive
words.

Days and weeks passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for
their baths only to
find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had
died peacefully in
his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital
attendants to take the
body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he
could be moved
next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch,
and after making
sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to
take his first look
at the real world outside.

He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside
the bed.

It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could
have compelled his
deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things
outside this
window

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not
even see the wall.

She said, ‘Perhaps he just wanted to encourage
you.’

Epilogue:

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy,
despite our own
situations.

Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared,
is doubled.

If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you
have that money
can’t buy.

Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar : Punjab ..
Boss : which part ?
Sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in Punjab .

2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car. /
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.

Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with “T”.
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi
petrol se start hoti hai.

Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why
are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.

Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He
gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass…

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

On a romantic day sardar’s girlfriend asks him. Darling on our
engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.

Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see
any one before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.

How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it….

Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I’m falling in love.

Museum Administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue u’ve broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his
head. Is he crying?

Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got
irritated… . drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio!

NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE :
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. …..
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu’s skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu’s skeleton when he was child

After an international beer conference in London, all the world’s top brewery bosses decide to go out for a beer together.

The Chairman of Budweiser says, “I’d like the most refreshing beer in the world, ‘The King Of Beers’: give me a Budweiser.”

The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and opens it for him .

The Chairman of Guiness says, “I’d like the only beer in the world worth really, truly waiting for: give me a Guinness.”

The bartender serves him.
The Chairman of Carlsberg says, ” I would like the world’s best beer, drunk in more countries than any other: give me a Carlsberg.”

He gets it.

Vijay Mallaya sits down, looks around and says, “Just give me a Coke.”

The bartender looks at him, shrugs, and serves him.

The other brewery bosses laugh loudly and say, “Hey Vijay, how come you aren’t drinking a Kingfisher?”

“Listen,” says Vijay Mallya, “If you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither will I”

One person was killed in seven blasts that rocked Bengaluru and its outskirts on Friday afternoon. While four low-intensity blasts went off at Nayandahalli, Madivala, Adugodi areas on the outskirts, blasts also rocked the tony areas of Mallya hospital, Langford Road and Richmond Circle in Bengaluru city. Two blasts were reported in Madivala.

One woman was killed and several have been injured.

The blasts took place at 1.30 pm in Nayandahalli, 1.50 pm in Madivala (2 blasts) and 2.10 pm in Adugodi.

Gelatin sticks appear to have been used in the blasts.

The train has started moving. It is packed with people of all ages, mostly with the working men and women and young college guys and gals. Near the window, seated a old man with his 30 year old son. As the train moves by, the son is overwhelmed with joy as he was thrilled with the scenery outside..

” See dad, the scenery of green trees moving away is very beautiful”

This behavior from a thirty year old son made the other people feel strange about him. Every one started murmuring something or other about this son.”This guy seems to be a krack..” newly married Anup whispered to his wife.

Suddenly it started raining… Rain drops fell on the travelers through the opened window. The Thirty year old son , filled with  joy ” see dad, how beautiful the rain is ..”

Anup’s wife got irritated with the rain drops spoiling her new suit.

Anup ,” cant you see its raining, you old man, if ur son is not feeling well get him soon to a mental asylum..and dont disturb public henceforth”

The old man hesitated first and then in a low tone replied ” we are on the way back from hospital, my son got discharged today morning , he was a blind by birth, last week only he got his vision,  these rain and nature are new to his eyes.. Please forgive us for the inconvenience caused…”

The things we see may be right from our perspective until we know the truth. But when we know the truth our reaction to that will hurt even us. So try to understand the problem better before taking a harsh action

A woman parked her brand-new Lexus in front of her
office ready to show it off to her colleagues. As
she got out, a truck passed too close and completely
tore off the door on the driver’s side.

The woman immediately grabbed her cell phone, dialled
911,and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before
the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the
woman started screaming hysterically. Her Lexus, which
she had just picked up the day before, was now
completely ruined and would never be the same, no
matter what the body shop did to it.

When the woman finally wound down from her ranting
and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust
and disbelief.

“I can’t believe how materialistic you women are,” he
said. “You are so focused on your possessions that you
don’t notice anything else.”

“How can you say such a thing?” asked the woman.

The cop replied, “Don’t you know that your left arm is
missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn
off when the truck hit you.”

“OH MY GOD!” screamed the woman. “Where’s my new
bracelet? :D

Let’s say it’s 6.15 pm and you’re going home (alone of   course ), after an unusually hard day on the job.

You’re really tired, upset and frustrated.

Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your

chest that starts to radiate out into your arm and up

into your jaw. You are only about five miles from the

hospital nearest your home. Unfortunately you don’t

know if you’ll be able to make it that far. You have

been trained in CPR, but the guy that taught the

course did not tell you how to perform it on yourself.

HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE

Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart attack, without help,the person whose heart is beating improperly and who begins to feel faint, has only   about 10 seconds left before losing consciousness. However,these victims can help themselves by coughing repeatedly and very vigorously. A deep breath should   be taken before each cough, and the cough must be deep  and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep   inside the chest.   A breath and a cough must be repeated about every two seconds without let-up until help arrives, or until the heart is felt to be beating normally again. Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing movements squeeze the heart and keep the blood   circulating. The squeezing pressure on the heart also helps it regain normal rhythm. In this way, heart attack victims can get to a hospital. Tell as many
other people as possible about this. It could save their lives!

A group of children were playing near two railway tracks, one still in use while the other disused. Only one child played on the disused track, the  rest on the operational track.

The train is coming, and you are just beside the track interchange. You can make the train change its course to the disused track and save most of the kids. However, that would also mean the lone child playing by the disused track would be sacrificed. Or would you rather let the train go its way?

Let’s take a pause to think what kind of decision we could make…….. ………
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Most people might choose to divert the course of the train, and sacrifice only one child. Most  think the same way, I guess. Exactly, to save most of the children at the expense of only one child was rational decision most people would make, morally and emotionally. But, have you ever thought that the child choosing to play on the disused track had in fact made the right decision to play at a safe place?

Nevertheless, he had to be sacrificed because of his ignorant friends who chose to play where the danger was. This kind of dilemma happens around us everyday. In the office, community, in politics and especially in a democratic society, the minority is often sacrificed for the interest of the majority, no matter how foolish or ignorant the majority are, and how farsighted and knowledgeable the minority are. The child who chose not to play with the rest on the operational track was sidelined. And in the case he was sacrificed, no one would shed a tear for him.

The great critic Leo Velski Julian who told the story said he would not try to change the course of the train because he believed that the kids playing on the operational track should have known very well that track was still in use, and that they should have run away if they heard the train’s sirens.. If the train was diverted, that lone child would definitely die because he never thought the train could come over to that track! Moreover, that track was not in use probably because it was not safe. If the train was diverted to the track, we could put the lives of all passengers on board at stake! And in your attempt to save a few kids by sacrificing one child, you might end up sacrificing hundreds of people to save these few kids.

While we are all aware that life is full of tough decisions that need to be   made, we may not realize that hasty decisions may not always be the right one.

‘Remember that what’s right isn’t always popular… and what’s popular isn’t always right.’

Everybody makes mistakes; that’s why they put erasers on pencils.